My Plans vs. God's Plans

WARNING: THIS POST MAY HURT. PROCEED WITH CAUTION.

Isn’t it always convenient that when we want something so badly God seems to have other plans?! We want the big house, white picket fence, spouse, kids and dog with the wealth and riches to follow. And instead, we are single, can’t conceive children, staying at home with parents and between jobs! It sucks. I get it. But have you ever stopped to think that maybe God has you there for a reason?

The other day, I was talking to my Mom about a message that she was going to preach in church for Mother’s Day and she was telling me about another sermon she heard about going through trials. Sometimes we get so frustrated with God when we are in a situation that isn’t ideal for the picture that we’ve painted for our lives. We sometimes confuse the lesson meant to strengthen us with the circumstance currently breaking us. My Mom told me that the preacher was discussing the process of making silver. During the process of making silver, the material is constantly put through rigorous environments to unmask the beauty that we recognize as silver. That is what our trials are: rigorous testing to unveil the true beauty within us and the beauty that God sees.

One of my favorite movies is Love, Simon. I love the movie for many reasons but the one reason I love the movie is it shows exactly what this post is about. Simon had a secret that he was holding in and he was slowly conjuring a plan to own his secret and make it a reality. In the midst of that, someone was unintentionally let in on his secret. This person used that secret to manipulate Simon into doing whatever it took to not allow that secret to be known. In the midst of Simon being manipulated, he was manipulating others to cover his secret. Once the situation blew up in his face, his secret was exposed. He lost friends, pride, self awareness and the secret that he was trying to keep under wraps. He then set out to face his secret and his pride, family and friends. This movie is the perfect example of our plans vs. God’s plans. We sometimes hold onto an idea of what life could be like if we move the pieces of our circumstances the right way. But sometimes, God has other ideas and those ideas may cost us those pieces for the bigger picture. Those pieces can be our pride, our friends, our security, and even our sanity. When you put your own plan ahead of God’s plan you detour the purpose that God has for your life.

I often share my journey with infertility and the blessing I now get to call my daughter. My journey first started with my son. I didn’t plan for my son but I remember standing in the shower crying and praying to God to give me a baby. I wanted to feel loved and I knew that a child who didn’t know me from butter, who didn’t know my past, who had to depend on me would and could love me and fill the void that I had. I remember begging God with snot coming out my nose for this baby. I begged him for a son because I knew I wasn’t strong enough to raise a confident daughter. Months later and my (now) husband and I were alerted to the news of a baby. I panicked. I was scared. I didn’t know how to raise a baby! I begged God for something that I wasn’t even prepared for, something I didn’t even think out thoroughly. When my son arrived the fear increased. I remember breaking down in anxiety filled cries at every sight of him being in pain. Fast forward to my daughter, she is such a beauty! My husband and I had been trying for a baby for a long year and we were unsuccessful. After visiting Haiti, I met a little girl who stole my heart. I decided that we would have to adopt because my body wasn’t being favorable. A month or so after us giving up and depression officially settling in, my Mom invited me to her church to hear from a pastor from South Africa. I decided to go and when he had an alter call I went. Pastor Dean said a lot to me but the one thing that made my knees quiver was “God is smiling at you”… I had felt so distant from God and so alone and forgotten. Hearing that felt like God was giving me a huge hug. Pastor Dean then asked for married women struggling to have a baby to come up for prayer. I stayed and he prayed. A few months later… I took a pregnancy test and it was positive. I will never forget that day because I was overwhelmed with joy. I remember leaving the test on the counter for my husband. I text my best friend and told her and we celebrated with memes. I then called my Mom to tell her while my husband went to the bathroom. Her and my step dad cheered so loudly and once I got off the phone with them I went into the bathroom to check on my husband. His face was covered in joyful tears. He just hugged me and cried. Once my son woke up, we told him and he was excited. Confused but excited. We then called my in laws and they were excited. And then after 9 crazy months of excitement and anticipation, Autumn Reign made her debut November 2018. And I have been in bliss ever since!

God is a comedian. He allowed me to wait for the perfect moment to receive His blessings. I HATED the wait, I HATED the unknown but in the process I was able to prepare myself and my body for what was to come. I became a vegan and got myself together health-wise. Sometimes we want something SO BADLY but the timing is off. The waiting period is the worst I KNOW but it is necessary. Your appreciation is different, your endurance for the next trial is different, and the reward is way sweeter! During your time of waiting, journal. Write down the plans that you have without a time stamp on them. Write down your ideas and pray over them everyday. Give your plans to God and ask Him to grant the desires of your heart. Then… wait. In your waiting, pray and journal some more. Get ready for the blessings to pour down. You are 100% allowed to make plans but in your plan making make room for God to have His way!